2 weeks

I've been distant.  I've been pretty much non-existant for almost 2 weeks now.

The depression came back and reared it's ugly head.  And it was not pretty.

I stopped taking my meds.  I started to resist, even though I kept going, therapy.  I was making stupid choices and shutting out the people who cared about me.

I lined up the pill bottles.  I pulled out an exacto knife.  If my 4 year old hadn't yelled at his older sister and scared me, I would have gone through with it.

I was spared going to the hospital.  J and Dr C were sure they could get me through this.  I wasn't to be left alone, she told J.  I was to take my meds.  I wasn't to be allowed to despense my own meds.  I was to see her 2-3 times a week.  I was to put some time and effort into my DBT book; one chapter a week.  I am to e-mail them both my 3 favorite things of the day in an effort to remind myself that there are good things going on in the midst of my world falling apart.

I can feel myself slowly coming back to Earth.  Slowly.  Going to work this week has helped.  Pretending that everything is now fine has helped. 

Everything is not fine, but we will keep working on that.