MDD SUCKS!

I am fighting, I swear I am.

But Major Depressive Disorder sucks.  Big Time.  We are not friends at all.

This week has been very challenging.  Work has been tough; so many students to see, so little time.  Family life has been tough, my MIL started chemo this week and I have been pretty emotional about it.  Energy has been low since the lapband was filled and I am not consuming many calories.  Sleep is distant; I miss it so!  And, honestly, I have not been good on my meds.  I think that I am about 4 days behind.  Other un-healthy coping skills abound, but I will save that for fear of triggering others.

But I try and fight. I try to wake up every morning and say that today will be better.  I get up, get the kids dressed and fed, and try to go about my day.  I have been making more of an effort to meet my husband for lunch before I start work (I am on 2nd shift at the college advising office the rest of the month).  I try to relax when I get home before sleep (I am addicted to Candy Crush).  It's just not working.

Dr. C would correct me and say that it is working because I am getting up and moving.  I haven't completely shut down and I am still moving forward.

But, man, this sucks.  You know what I feel like, I feel like an addict.  I wake up every morning and say it's going to be different and fail by the end of the day.  Not much different than someone who wakes up in the morning, saying the will not drink, do drugs, etc., and then cheats by the end of the day.

Whatever.

If I haven't said it yet, this sucks.