I read that title today on Twitter. Then I re-tweeted it.
Then I thought about it. And thought about it some more.
I went and made lunch for L, Big A, and Little A
.
And I couldn't stop thinking about it. (Obsess much?)
I think that I am totally guilty of this. Totally and completely.
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When my depression started to surface in 2011, I would have identified myself as a good mother, a passionate wife, an obedient daughter, a loyal sister, a successful employee, an awesome teacher. I would have highlighted successful and good and loyal.
But when I try to label myself now, the first thoughts that I normally have are depressed, suicidal, unworthy, unproductive member of society. Very much a big difference from what I used to be. And I think this is where I need to focus my efforts on, that I am not all of the negative terms that I call myself in my head. I need to stop identifying myself as such. Because, honestly, I am still a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, an employee, a teacher. I am all of these things. I am just a person who does all these things along with working through Major Depressive Disorder.
But I am not Major Depressive Disorder. I have it, but it should not define me.
It's like when you have the stomach flu. You are still a mother, a wife, a partner, but you are down and out for a few days. You may not be performing at your best, but you are still YOU. Same for mental illness, you are still all the things you would otherwise identify with, there are just some extra hoops and hurdles to jump over.
I know this is one of those "easier sad than done" topics, and I am certainly no expert in the area. I think since maybe about October 2011 I have been solely identifying myself as someone with a mental illness. So, I need to learn and focus on how I can change my titles, my self-descriptors, so that they are a more accurate picture of who I am today.
I am a good enough mother.
I am compassionate and understanding wife.
I am a hard working employee.
I am a knowledge-rich teacher.
Yes I agree that it's good to remember who you really are, your strengths and skills. The mental illness has been thrust on you by psychiatry and society but you don't need to embrace it.
ReplyDeleteI didn't, in 1978, 1984 and 2002, after episodes of 'psychosis' or transition periods, after having a baby and at the menopause (I'm now 60 and a granny). I took charge of my own mental health, tapered the psych drugs and recovered.
However, interestingly, my identity at present is to do with being a writer, activist and campaigner in mental health matters. I'm a resistance fighter so it's a battle, to bring about a paradigm shift in the psychiatric system and improvements to mental health services. Where I live, in Scotland, and further afield. I write for Mad in America and engage with folks internationally through Facebook and Twitter, in solidarity.
All the best, Chrys
http://chrysmuirheadwrites.blogspot.co.uk/
Oh I love this post! You are so many powerful and wonderful things so I am happy to hear you say it. And good knowledgeable teachers are an absolute necessity in this world. I tip my hat to you. And I can relate to this struggle with redefining yourself once diagnosed with a mental illness....it is hard to remember that the struggle doesn't define us but more our ability to overcome and trudge through to the other side with brilliance. I may struggle to live with Bipolar disorder but I am a good neigh superb woman. I may be heavy but I am still living a very vivid life. Again, Great Post
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