Not in it to win it...

I don't want to write, which is why I am making myself.

The depression is starting to run deep.  I got only a few hours of sleep last night and have been having terrible stomach pains whenever I try to eat.

Dr. H changed my meds today a bit.  He wants me to drop the Latuda, keep the Wellbutrin and Klonopin, and add Abilify.  And because things are going so rough he wants me back in a few weeks instead of the normal 3 months.

Right after him I had an appointment set with Dr. C.  And I just didn't want to go.  I was feeling sick, I was not in a good place, and overall I just didn't want to talk.  So, I went, but I didn't talk.  Which is totally counter productive.  And she asked about the drinking, and I told her that it was under control, which it isn't but, again, I didn't want to get into it.  Eventually she asked if I just wanted to leave and I said yes, so we ended about 20 minutes early.  She asked that I e-mail or text her in a few days to let her know where I am at; we will see. 

I realize that I have the power here, and that if I keep going down this path it will not end well.  I will try to keep posting, try to keep positive, and try to keep on keeping on.