Pulling Back

Appt with Dr. C done...me left in deep thinking mode.  Not sad deep thinking...just deep deep in thought.  We talked a lot about..well....I guess it's what you are willing to put up with in a relationship.  Are you willing to be walked all over?  Are you willing to be the sole initiator of conversation and outings?  Are you willing to sit around and wait for someone to contact you, and will you be ok if that contact only comes once a year?  And from it I am pulling, how much do you really value yourself?  Are you willing to be pushed to the side and "used" when you are needed?  Do you want more from that relationship?  Are you willing to put your foot down until you get there?

I didn't say much during the appointment because I was lost in my thoughts.  How many times am I guilty of doing this?  "This" being constantly being the person who has to contact a friend first in order to get together.  How many of my friends will contact me first?  What about with family?  Do I hold them to that same standard?  Do I hold myself to that same standard when it comes to them?

So, I am taking a step back.  I big step back.  I need to stop and think and evaluate what I am doing here.  I have shut down Facebook.  And I will, essentially be shutting down Twitter, too, although I will still use this blog for thoughts and I know several of my Twitter friends are followers of the blog.  I am not pulling away in a depression sense, but more that I am working my way out of it and I need to establish some new rules and parameters for myself.  How much am I willing to take from people?  Who is truly a friend, and who have I friended just to look like I have friends.  I hope that I will find this an interesting and thought provoking journey....and that I will see you on the flip side...