Ugg....another day (night?) that I have been awake since 3:30AM. Wide awake. Awake enough to think I can write a decent blog post. Listening to 70's music on YouTube to get me going.
Yesterday was so up and down; I feel that I am still riding a roller-coaster. This decision of whether I am going to go back to school for my PsyD is crazy. I need to stop listening to other's thoughts and go with my gut. My gut says to go for it. However, there is still that little voice in the back of my head that is telling me that this might not be the best time. We know how we can pay for school, but how will we pay to live? The program is 5 years, at about $113,000, and if I was not working we would loose about $225,000 in income over those years. That's a lot to think about. Maybe we could win a lotto? Or find a rich relative?
I have to say, though, that my MDD is SO much better when I am thinking forward. Dr. C and I touched on this yesterday in session....that I need to be more forward thinking and less backward/depression thinking. My "depression cycles" have been running every two weeks now instead of 6, and I need to do something, like thinking forward, to break this pattern. Do you know how exhausting it is to be hospital-grade suicidal every two weeks? It's not fun.
Today is busy; 2nd appointment with Dr C this week since we had to miss Monday, and then some training at work on a new computer system. Fun. This weekend, however, should be fun as we are supposed to be going apple picking at our favorite farm on Saturday! The weather here has been all over the place, from 98 on Tuesday to 65 today....and it should feel like an awesome fall weekend!
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