It's 7:30AM and oddly quiet in the house. Usually by now Little A is awake and asking for breakfast and RescueBots on the living room TV. And it's not like they did an extensive amount of exercising or playing yesterday that has exhausted them. Weather in Chicago is being, well, it's Chicago weather. It's never predictable and usually off-season. Meaning, it's July 3rd and the high is 72 with rain all day. Shouldn't we be into the 90's by now?
Yesterday marked the start of my diminished work-week. When I was hired at the local Community College as an academic advisor, my position was called "Casual advisor", meaning less than part-time. Two months ago when I started, I was thankful that it would be about 9-10 hours a week. Since I had been out of work for 18 months, I thought this would be a great way to slide back in. Then my supervisor offered for the position to go up to 25 hours a week due to it being a busy registration time, and I thought about the money I would make and agreed. But, part of the deal is that I would go back to 9 hours starting July 1st, the new fiscal year. So, I didn't work yesterday. And it drove me CRAZY!
Before all this happened, and I don't know if I have talked about it here or not, I was both an adjunct faculty member and an academic advisor for a nation-wide, for-profit university. I taught my classes, Critical Thinking, on-line and it fit in perfect with my schedule. I could work all day, come home, do dinner, put the kids to bed, and then teach. But everything dropped with the depression. And I was pretty sure that I would never be able to get my career back on track. Starting work at this college was a step in the right direction. And while I was concerned that mentally I wouldn't be able to handle working, it turned out to be so good for me that I was busy again. I didn't have time to think about depression so much when I was working. I was getting out of the house which was forcing me to shower and dress on a daily basis. I was meeting new people. And, as luck would have it, my job is literally 5 minutes from where J works so we were able to do lunches together. I know that that helped bring back so intimacy that our relationship was lacking.
But now I am down to 9 hours a week, and being home all day yesterday was, well, odd. Not that I don't enjoy being with my kids, but I have been fighting the Depression Lion this week and the last thing I needed was a day in pj's watching ArmyWives. I did get up and shower about noon as L and Big A had their annual check-ups, but I also still had the nanny come and she spent the morning and the remainder of the afternoon with them. And then as I crawled into bed at the same time as the kids, about 8PM, I realized that I had broken my thou-must-blog-every-day command. I was disappointed in myself, but did not have the energy to get up and post.
So, here I sit, early morning, alone (still! I am shocked) with my computer in the kitchen. I see a stack of last night's, well, honestly, the last two night's dishes on the kitchen counter and I know I need to get those in the dishwasher before the nanny gets here. I am pretty sure that I need to do a load of laundry if my kids are to have clean clothes to wear. I am positive that I need to do laundry for me if I am going to have clothes to wear to work. My mind is spinning on the amount of cleaning that needs to be done before we host a 4th of July BBQ tomorrow. And I have zero motivation.
Sigh.
Depression sucks.
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