To thick to break

The burn of alcohol slides down the back of her throat.  It tastes like a strawberry Nyquil.  She think this is her 5th shot, but she has lost track.  She takes another one in the hopes that it evens the number out.  Her leg burns from the cuts she just made and she cannot be sure if it helps or if it causes more pain.  The last slice was deep and it bled more than she thought it would.  She had stared at the droplets that started small as the blade broke the skin, and then got bigger as the knife slid over the same line again and again.  Sarah McLachlan is playing sad songs through YouTube on her computer.  She props her elbows on the table and drops her head into her hands.

She is so confused about the whole weekend, the flurry of activity yesterday in seeing her father and listening to lies, the downfall of today and trying to wrap her head around the information.  Today has been a roller coaster of emotions; she started the day angry and resentful of everything.  She was pretty sure that her family was choosing not to listen to her on purpose and was meaning to drive her insane.  Her husband finally took the kids out, riding bikes and visiting parks for almost two hours.  She was able to make Sunday dinner in that time: roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, broccoli, french bread; but it was all done with a drink in her hand.  Pathetic, she thought, simply pathetic.

Tears hit the table.  She hadn't even realized that she was crying, lost in the song playing.  She had thoughts swimming in her head so fast she could hardly catch them.  Drink more, the thoughts said.  No, they yelled back at each other, just go cut.  Cut your wrists.  The tears fell harder.  She just needed to make it through the night.  She knew if she could make it to morning that everything would seem better.

"The neck, go for the big vein in the neck.  It will only take a few seconds."  That wasn't a thought talking, and she could feel the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.  It was her Lion.  She couldn't bring herself to turn around, but felt him use his giant paw to sweep the hair away from her left ear.

"I can help you," he purred into her ear.  "I can help this to all go away.  Just give me the knife, I know where you have hidden it anyway.  Give it to me and I will do it for you.  I will hold you as you go to sleep."

Overly-frustrated, she took her shot glass and threw it across the kitchen.  It hit the wall and fell to the floor, but the glass was too thick to break.  The Lion laughed deeply,  She slowly shut her eyes.  Giving up would be easier.  It would make everything go away.  She stood up, still not looking at her captor, circled around him, and headed to the bathroom.  The sound of his breath right next to her assured her that he was following, that this was really going to happen this time.

Entering the bathroom, she withdrew the purple Exacto knife from it's hidden spot.  She pulled the cap off, noticing that there was still a drop of blood on the blade from earlier in the day.  She thought about cleaning it off, then realized that there wasn't a point.  This was it.  She didn't have to worry about infection.

Her eyes closed once again, she reached her hand over her shoulder, felt the Lion take it from her grasp, and tilted her head to expose her neck.  She whispered a prayer as she felt it dig into her skin.  She said each of her children's names, and felt two more tears roll down her face.  She room began to spin, she felt herself lean back into his arms, and she took a final breath.