Yesterday, my not-so-baby-anymore Big A turned 6! What a wonderful day! From getting to be at home in the morning to make her breakfast and take her to lunch, to making an awesome roasted chicken dinner for my husband's family to celebrate, to seeing the look of pure JOY on her face when she opened her beloved pink Razor scooter, it was almost everything that I could have wanted for her! Oh, and there was a slight change in cake from what I posted before. She ditched the idea of a pretty pick lemonade cake and went for a chocolate coated zebra cake! It was super easy and fun to make, and all three kids helped out!
I couldn't help feeling sad, however, that my family was not here with us. This is the first birthday that we have celebrated that they have not been a part of. As I mentioned in the last post, we are not speaking, and yesterday was particularly painful. Big A asked if her Grammi and Papa were going to be there, and when I said no she seemed to quickly dismiss it, but it hurt my heart for a long time (thank God for Klonopin). My mom did text me later at night and asked that I give Big A a hug and kiss for her, I thought that I was nice gesture.
I seem to be moving to a better place right now. Either it's the meds, or the weather, or the birthday season, but things are looking up and I am thankful. I know that I typically have a 6 week cycle of depression, and we are on week 1, so 5 more weeks and we will have to see what happens. Dr. C is hopeful that this new combo and dosage of meds will help to pull me through. I, however, am a bit my skeptical. This 6-week cycle has been kicking my ass for two years, and it comes regular as anything. Fingers crossed....
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