Plugging along...

Today has been rough.  I haven't really gotten sleep in the past 3 nights, and that has a direct impact on how I function during the day.  My mind has just been going and going, and then when I finally can fall asleep, well, one night there was the thunderstorm and last night Little A had a bad dream and wanted me to rub his back (at 4AM!).  Who can say no to that?  Then, before I know it, J is getting up for work at 6:30 and my sleep in over.  My anxiety has been high, and I have taken my Klonopin twice in an effort just to stay at a level that I can work with.  I am hoping that a combo of light rain and pure exhaustion will help me to sleep well tonight. 

Tomorrow is usually the day that I see Dr. C, but she is out of the office.  Boo.  Isn't it weird how we build relationships with our therapists and it can totally throw your week off if you don't get to see them?  I mean, in reality, there are how many hours in a week? 168.  So, 167 of them I function just fine without her, but if I don't have that one hour (or 50 minutes) it all goes to hell.  Alright, so, to be honest, I really don't function well the other 167 and usually send her a few e-mails during the week, but I don't expect to get responses from her, they are more just so that I can feel that I am touching base and not floating alone in the Universe.

I have a blog that I have used with her, as well.  I started it last summer when I was working with another therapist as a way to vent and express emotion between sessions.  I shared it with Dr. C in December when she was sick for one of our appointments and I felt I was going to burst.  I have written stories, poems, shared music.  It has been an awesome tool for us and for me to be able to express my feelings in another manner.  Remind me to post some of the stories that I have written from there over to here.  Most of them are pretty damn depressing and triggering, but it's pure emotion and I remember it feeling so good to just get it out.  Actually, it's what kinda inspired me to start this blog, a place that I can write it all out, get it out of my insides, but where it's still anonymous.

Ok, folks, that's about all I got in me for today.  2 more students to see and then my day is over.  I am thinking chips and salsa for dinner and then off to bed.  Have a wonderful night!