My little L is turning 7!

Seven years ago today I learned the meaning of true pain.  Gut-wrenching pain.  Pain so bad you want to chew your arm off because you think that would hurt less.  Or, as some people know it: labor.  Seven years ago today I also learned the meaning of unconditional love as I held my first baby,L, for the very first time.  That tiny tiny baby girl, all wrapped up in white blankets and a knit pink hat on her head, big dark eyes staring up at me...that is true love.  We grew together.  She taught me how to be a mom.  She was patient when I made mistakes, and guided me gently when I tried to learn her cries.  She grew into a fiesty toddler, talking long before most children her age, her little blonde pigtails bobbing from each side.  She has a smile that can light up a room, infectious laughter, incrediable sense of compasion.  She also, at times, is a 17 year old teenager who thinks she is wise beyond her years and that I am the stupidest thing that was ever born.  She makes me laugh, she has made me cry, and she always makes me want to do better.

Over this past year, she has changed a lot, and I think some of that has to do with my sickness.  She is way more snuggly then she used to be.  She comes into my room almost every morning, wrapped in her blanket, warm from her slumber, and crawls up next to me, her head nestling right under my chin.  I stroke her hair, kiss her head gently, and tell her I love her.  I then try and think of stories to tell her about when she was little, the funny or naughty things that she used to do.

She also has a fierce temper and is quick to cry, something that wasn't present before,  And when she cries, she shuts down.  She won't talk, won't move, just stands there and cries. It's painful to watch as I know that is what happens to me when I get frustrated and shut-down.  I have learned over a few months that the only thing that makes it better is to hold her.  I let her cry, hold her tight, and tell her that it's going to be ok.  I don't try and pry for what happened, or for her to tell me how she is feeling; she doesn't want to talk about it.  She just wants to be held.

I love my L more than I ever thought I possibly could love anything.  I am so proud of her, and cannot wait to see what the next 7 years bring.

Happy Birthday, L!  Make a wish, blow out the candles, and dream it will come true!